Yay, I figured out how to take a block of text from my computer and post it on an internet website. Watch this space for more essays on a variety of topics.

Guilt and Forgiveness
Penitential Rites and 12-step programs compared

Guilt is a painful, emotionally draining, erosive emotion, which if allowed to accumulate and fester poisons a person’s soul. Except in those fortunately rare individuals characterized as psychopaths, it is also inevitable. I believe that humans possess an innate sense of morality that is biological in origin, and that regardless of culture and training too egregious a violation of this innate morality will produce the emotion known as guilt. Training can, of course, greatly expand the range of circumstances that trigger guilt, and it can also, under some circumstances, selectively narrow the range. The first reduces life’s pleasures. The second increases life’s miseries. Extremes of both are obviously undesirable, but it seems to me that the latter, being more open-ended, affords the greater opportunity for utter societal disaster.

If I were to attempt to characterize this innate morality, I might say that it is a fundamental inhibition against acts that are markedly more harmful to others than they are beneficial to the actor. This is different from the Golden Rule, since it permits the individual to act in a selfish manner, in a way that he personally would not like to be treated, provided there is a net benefit. No society, human or animal, could persist for very long if the individuals who comprised it did not, on the average at least, have strong inhibitions against behavior that resulted in a decrease in total group fitness.

A similar argument can be applied to altruism. Behavior which harms the agent more than it benefits the person towards whom it is directed also decreases net fitness, and a society in which large numbers of individuals engaged in futile self-sacrifice would likewise be expected to decline rather rapidly. The negative emotion engendered by futile self-sacrifice seems to be more embarrassment than guilt. The different emotional reactions may be related to the probable responses of other members of society: guilt, if the most probable response is anger; embarrassment if the most probable response is contempt. In either case, the result of the response is to estrange the perpetrator from his fellows, though in the embarrassment/contempt scenario, no further punishment is likely.

Guilt, then, according to this model, is an inevitable and necessary component of the social condition. Religion (at least the Judaeo-Christian and Islamic traditions) teaches, and exhaustive observation of the real world demonstrates, that people do voluntarily engage in actions that have a net harmful effect. It is impossible to get through life in the real world without at least occasionally deliberately doing something we later have good reason to regret and feel guilty about, something that has the potential to arouse the entirely justifiable anger of our fellow man.

Sin has a way of ambushing me when my guard is down. It’s generally an impulsive rather than a calculated action, and I imagine this is true of other people who try sincerely to follow a culturally received moral code. I find it extremely valuable for my personal mental health and for my effectiveness as a human being and a member of society to periodically take a formal inventory of my moral condition, to review my thoughts, words, and deeds, and identify those that weigh on my conscience. In the process, it’s helpful to also identify those things that affirm my worth as a moral person. This morning, as I participated in the two different church services I regularly attend, I paid particular attention to encouragement and affirmations of worth versus references to sinfulness. In the more traditional of the two, which has a formal penitential rite as part of the service, the lectionary reading, Mathew 25: 31-46, concerning the last judgment and containing one of the more explicit references to Hell fire in the New Testament, still conveyed a take-home lesson of forgiveness and redemption. If any individual emerged feeling that he had participated in an “orgy of self-loathing”, it’s news to me. That would be like taking an exam, and when the paper came back with a red mark or two on it, and the instructor announced that mistakes were inevitable and that everyone present was fully capable of passing the course if he were diligent enough, concluding that one was doomed to failure – and then, to compound one’s difficulties, to further concluding that the instructor was incompetent and the material not worth mastering. In the other church, which has a new age slant, the minister never talks about sin, and never says anything negative about the people present, although he is not above pointing his finger at remote targets. I have noticed in other contexts that a reluctance to take one’s own inventory does not commonly translate into timidity about taking the inventories of others. Somehow his affirmations of collective worth were less convincing to me personally than those of the more traditional minister. For me at least, the feeling of self-worth that comes from recognizing and overcoming a defect is far more powerful than any feeling of self worth that comes from minimizing a defect or attaching exaggerated importance to an asset.

I took the trouble to look up the texts of penitential rites from several different churches, since we’ve now established that it is the penitential rite and not the Nicene Creed that is giving people on the Paleopsych list trouble. Below are some examples:
(P=Pastor or priest; C=Congregation)

I confess to God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have left undone. And I ask blessed Mary, ever Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God. (American Roman Catholic)

P. Let us seek the face of God, confessing our sin.
C. Most merciful God, you know our failings better than we do; our sins are revealed in the light of your face. Our days and years pass by; the things we trust fade like grass. Be gracious to us, O God. Guide us again to the water of life, and renew in us the grace of baptism, through Jesus Christ our Lord.
P. You are all children of the light of day; you are God’s children now. In the mercy of God, Jesus Christ was given to die for you, and for his sake, God forgives you all your sin. With all the faithful in heaven and on earth, rejoice and be glad.
(Used this morning at Central Lutheran; usually part of a baptismal service)

P. Almighty God, to whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid, cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit., that we may perfectly love you and magnify your holy name, through Jesus Christ our Lord. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sin, God who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all our unrighteousness.
C. Most merciful God, we confess that we are in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves. We have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. [cfr. Christ’s statement that the whole of the law is contained in these two commandments]. For the sake of your Son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us. Forgive us, renew us, and lead us, that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways to the glory of your Holy name. (From the American Lutheran order of service adopted 1982)

C. Most holy and merciful Father, we acknowledge and confess before thee our sinful nature, prone to evil and slothful in good; and all our shortcomings and offenses. Thou alone knowest how often we have sinned; in wandering from thy ways; in wasting thy gifts; in forgetting thy love. But thou, o Lord, have mercy upon us, who are ashamed and sorry for all wherein we have displeased thee. Teach us to hate our errors. Cleanse us from our secret faults, and forgive our sins, for the sake of thy dear Son. And O, most holy and loving father, help us, we beseech thee, to live in thy light and walk in thy ways, according to the commandments of Jesus Christ our Lord.
P. Almighty Lord, who doth freely pardon all who repent and turn to him, now fulfill in every contrite heart the promise of redeeming grace, remitting all our sins, and cleansing us from an evil conscience, through the perfect sacrifice of Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Presbyterian prayer book, US, 1947; This has a good New England Calvinist ring and is presumably much older than 1947. Not a standard part of the service even then, and no longer used)

C. Almighty and most merciful Father, we have erred and strayed from thy ways, like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against thy holy laws; we have left undone those things which we ought to have done, and have done those things which we ought not to have done, and there is no health in us. But thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us miserable offenders. Spare thou them, O God, which confess their faults. Restore thou them that be penitent, according to the promises declared unto mankind in Christ Jesus our Lord. And grant, O most merciful father, for His sake, that we may hereafter live a Godly, righteous, and sober life, to the Glory of thy Holy Name.
P. Almighty God, father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which desireth not the death of a sinner, but rather that he may turn from his wickedness and live, and hath given power and commandment to his ministers, to declare and pronounce his people, being penitent, the absolution and remission of their sins: he pardoneth and absoluteth all of them which truly repent and unfeignedly believe his holy Gospel. Wherefore we beseech him to grant us true repentance, and his Holy Spirit, that those things may please him, which we do at this present, and that the rest of our life hereafter, may be pure and holy, so that at last we may come to his eternal joy, through Jesus Christ our Lord.
(Anglican Book of Common Prayer, 1559. Identical in the first American Episcopal BCP of 1790, and the revision of 1926. Still included as an alternative rite in the most recent American Episcopal BCP, though the following is more commonly used:)

Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against thee, In thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and what we have left undone. We have not loved thee with our whole heart. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and humbly repent. For the sake of thy Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us, that we may delight in thy will and walk in thy ways, to the Glory of thy name. Amen. (Anglican BCP, 1979.)

In addition to these general communal acknowledgements of sinfulness, the Roman Catholics, and to some extent the Anglicans and Lutherans, have a provision for individualized confession and absolution which until recently was obligatory for Catholics.

Allow me also to call attention to a similar process of confession and absolution in an organization which is not explicitly tied to any religious sect, which has an excellent track record in helping people deal with a grave personal failing which is notorious for resisting the best efforts of modern mental health professionals. I am referring to Alcoholics Anonymous (and by extension, other 12-step programs).

The relevant steps are these:

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Steps 5-7 are very similar to the standard mainstream Christian penitential rite. The person examines his conscience (4), admits the things preying on his conscience to God and to at least one other person (5) and asks God to remove his shortcomings (6&7). Asking for forgiveness and asking to be freed from the compulsion to err are not precisely the same thing, but there is a correlation between the two. In real life terms, a great deal of forgiveness involves trust that the other individual will not repeat the behavior that is being forgiven. I find it much more difficult to forgive someone if I am apprehensive that the harm done to me may be repeated.
The sequence above implies that asking God to remove our shortcomings (or praying to be released from the bondage of sin) and believing that God will answer this prayer is a necessary precursor to asking our fellow human beings to forgive our transgressions against them. Often step 9, making a good faith effort to repair the damage our transgressions have caused, is as necessary to forgiving ourselves as it is to securing the forgiveness of the people we have harmed.
I have personally, out of necessity, worked the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and found that it has made a tremendous positive difference in my life. I know hundreds of people who can say the same. I also know a significant number of people who criticize the program as being too negative and damaging to self-esteem. Not all of them are wallowing in addictions; rejecting this approach is not necessarily the death sentence some true believers preach. However, based on personal observation, it seems to me that the approach which appears on the surface to be the most destructive to self esteem produces, on the average, a more robust sense of self-confidence and a healthier outlook on life than the approach which denies the concept of sin and rejects reliance on God.

Martha S.

If the AMA Were in Charge of Changing Light Bulbs

A Cautionary Tale

Technology is wonderful – no doubt about it. Here I am, sitting in front of a computer screen, creating prose that can be instantly disseminated to complete strangers thousands of miles away. Fortunately, the monitor’s screen provides sufficient light for my purposes, for the only other illumination in my home office consists of candles, and it’s after four pm on a dreary December day. After nearly a week of frustration accompanied by not insignificant expense I have yet been able to get the light bulb changed in the ceiling fixture, and have all but given up hope of ever being able to enjoy the miracle of incandescent light in my own home again.

I understand this is my own fault. Ten years ago, when I purchased my home, I was offered an electrical maintenance contract that included having all of the light bulbs in my house changed on an annual basis, according to the schedule recommended by the American Association of Electrical Practitioners. At the time I was unable to afford three hundred dollars a month for this service, which did not cover emergencies or the repairs to systems that constantly changing electrical codes mandated. This last was a not insignificant consideration, for I had been warned that a routine visit from the A.A.E.P. technician usually uncovered code violations, and that until these were remediated, no actual repairs on broken systems would be performed.

For ten years, I jealously husbanded the light bulbs in my household fixtures, knowing that new ones could only be purchased and installed by licensed electrical practitioners. Six years ago I managed to smuggle in a small supply from Canada; since 9-11 and the resulting crackdown on border crossings, this is no longer possible. I moved bulbs from low use to high use areas, and on several occasions feloniously removed working bulbs from the apartments of friends who were about to move. What was I thinking? Perhaps I hoped against hope that the public would eventually wake up to the insanity of our electrical laws; perhaps I imagined that an effective illuminating device that did not fall under those laws, or never wore out, would reach the market before I found myself in the dark.

Alas, this did not happen, and I found myself occupying a three bedroom house with only two working lights: the bulb over the stove in the kitchen and a fluorescent fixture in the master bathroom. This occurred at 7pm on December 17. I called the Electricians Association’s hotline number, and after spending five minutes navigating through recorded messages of an unhelpful nature, such as “please enter the 22 digit code on your household maintenance contract, followed by your social security number and Visa or Mastercard expiration date”, and another five minutes on hold, I was finally connected to a woman in Birmingham, Alabama, who ascertained that no one in my household qualified for ADA emergency illumination assistance, and then told me that I should call back after 9 am on Monday morning.

Fortunately I had my computer monitor, a TV/VCR, a working flashlight, and a large supply of candles. By working next to a large south-facing window while daylight lasted, and arranging tasks so that no close work or reading took place after 4pm, I was able to live a tolerably normal life over the weekend. Promptly at nine on Monday morning, I called the referral number for the local Electrical Association. The lines were swamped with calls from people who had experienced various electrical malfunctions over the weekend. At ten, when I finally got through, I was told that since I did not have an ongoing relationship with a personal electrician, I would need to present myself in person at the offices of PeaceLight, the conglomerate which controls all but a few of Lane County’s licensed electricians.

The imposing, ultramodern business office of PeaceLight, located in an area not served by public transportation, is illuminated in radiant, almost unearthly splendor. Dozens of immaculate clerks sit at VDT terminals, efficiently sending out bills and processing insurance claims for people already enrolled in the system. The un-enrolled and uninsured are sent to a bleak uncarpeted waiting room at the rear of the building, where a single employee hands them a ten page form asking for complete employment history, permission to do a credit report, and details of all electrical malfunctions experienced in the current and previous residences for the last ten years. I noted that signing this form authorized PeaceLight to charge a substantial sum up front to the person’s credit card, merely in order to set up an account and consider the possibility of fixing the person’s problem.

Had my difficulty involved a movable fixture, it might have been possible to obtain repairs then and there. I have since talked to people who recommend deliberately sabotaging a table lamp and taking it to the emergency fixture clinic in order to obtain a part for use in the home. This practice, which is said to be widespread, is highly illegal, and I understand that the state legislature is considering additional sanctions against it.

However, my problems (there were, after all, multiple lights involved, the result of ten years of deferred maintenance) absolutely required a house call, at least if I were to avoid breaking the law. With Christmas coming, PeaceLight had no electricians available to make house calls. There was a two-month waiting list for people who were already enrolled in their maintenance plan. Moreover, they did not have any electricians who were willing to take new clients. I was welcome, they said, to put my name on a waiting list, but I must understand that priority would be given to people who had just moved, and were referred by a realtor. Should I be accepted into the plan, there was a six month waiting period before the monthly fee (now four hundred dollars a month) would cover repairs and maintenance already needed at the time of enrollment.

I asked the customer representative if I were correct in my understanding that I would need to wait at least nine months, and pay a minimum of twenty-four hundred dollars, to have the light bulbs changed in my residence. She confirmed this. I did a quick mental calculation. I live on a fixed income, and despite careful economizing rarely have more than a hundred dollars left over at the end of the month. Important as light is, I simply cannot afford four hundred dollars a month for it. It would benefit me not one whit to have the bank repossess my electrically impeccable house because I could not meet mortgage payments.

People lived for millennia without changing light bulbs. In some parts of the world they still do. Fortunately, candles are still legal, and a person is permitted to keep bees for his own personal use. Fats can be used in lights; the food lobby would never permit the government to outlaw those. I defy even the ingenuity of PeaceLight and the American Electrical Practitioner’s Association to come between me and the sun.

Then, too, I can accept darkness. What a subversive thought! Perhaps, in the scope of things, the degree to which a new light bulb enriches my life does not compensate for all the things pursuing that light deprives me of. Once I have accepted darkness, Peacelight and the American Electrical Practitioners Association lose much of their power over me. Is this what they’re afraid of? Is this why the media constantly bombard the public with hand wringing over the millions of Americans who do not belong to electrical maintenance plans, whose children are failing in school because they can’t stay up until the wee hours doing their homework? Can I hope, vainly, that this crazy system has gotten so out of control, that lawmakers will see that the only alternative to bankrupting the entire economy is to allow people to CHANGE THEIR OWN LIGHT BULBS.

Martha Sherwood
Eugene, Oregon
December 28, 2004

Obviously I have not been very diligent about getting into the blogging scene! I'm still the same compulsively creative person and I'm still terrible about getting my work out there where someone will see it. I'm going to try to post an image of a paper-mache pig pinata I just made for an organizational picnic. OK, so far, so good. That's me, standing on the deck of my house.